Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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