i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize