every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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