I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
