i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
