I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
