Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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