We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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