Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
