I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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