Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
