I think I won the penis lottery.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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