just tell him i said nine months
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
