his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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