I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
