This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
