this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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