apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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