..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
