What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize