That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
