so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
