God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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