If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
