Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize