I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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