My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
