no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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