you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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