Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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