I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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