I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
