Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
