how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
