When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
