ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
