I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize