Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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