Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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