i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I FOUND THE LEGS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
