And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
