My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
