I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
