The maid of honor just puked.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm really busy with my period
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