Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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