i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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