we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
