Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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