do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
