that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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