my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize