I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
