We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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