Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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