as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
