I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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