If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize