You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
