I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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