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remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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