i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
