3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
two words: eviction party
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize