I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
