im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
