Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
