my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
