Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So many bounce houses so little time
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
