if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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