I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
