i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
