I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm at about main and main street
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
