if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
