K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
